I know the friendship is hurting me when I dread replying

Dear Delyara, When I see her name and feel pressure instead of warmth, when I start composing and recomposing the answer before I even open the chat, when I feel relief if the conversation stays shallow enough not to ask anything real from me — I know something has shifted. That is a private grief. Because on paper, the friendship still exists. In my nervous system, it already feels expensive. I stay too long in those kinds of connections. History makes me loyal long after ease has gone.