I know what kind of life I want in broad emotional terms

Dear Delyara, I want room. Meaning. Less financial fear. Less emotional overuse. More self-respect. More time that is not already owned before I enter it. Work that doesn’t reduce me. Love that reaches properly. A body I can trust more. A mind with less static in it. The vision exists. The bridge doesn’t. Or maybe it does, and I cannot see it because too much current life stands in the way. That is what hurts most. Not being visionless. Being over-obligated. Feeling a future in the chest and still arriving at evening too depleted to build anything except tomorrow’s lunch and one more list and another day that knows exactly how to use me. I don’t think hope has left me. I think hope is exhausted.