I Lay Down and Realised I Had Been Useful All Day and Still Didn’t Feel Held By Anything

Dear Delyara, Useful all day. Meals, forms, reminders, replies, school things, family things, domestic things, emotional things. Useful in all the ways that keep a house and a day and a week from slipping too far into chaos. And still, lying there in the dark, I did not feel held. Not by the day. Not by rest. Not by life. Not even fully by myself. That is a lonely truth and an important one. Because usefulness is not the same as care. And I think too many women are praised for one while being quietly starved of the other. I noticed it. That’s all. But sometimes noticing is the first honest thing a person can do.