I Left My Purse in the Car on Purpose

Dear Delyara, I brought in the groceries. I brought in my coffee. I brought in my son’s cleats and the pharmacy bag and the school folder with the form sticking out of it. I left the purse. Not because I forgot. Because part of me wanted a reason to step back outside. Ten minutes later I said, “I think I left my purse in the car,” like I had just realized it, and walked out into the driveway by myself while the house kept moving behind me without me for a minute. I stood there with the purse hanging from my hand and looked up at the dark sky like I was waiting for permission to keep walking. I didn’t. I went back inside. But for that one minute in the driveway, I was not carrying anyone’s tone or homework or hunger or schedule. Just my own breathing.