I let the skin on my hands heal

Dear Delyara, I began picking the skin around my fingers during childhood and continued until every nail was surrounded by wounds. I did it while reading, driving, watching television, and sleeping. Shame led me to hide my hands in photographs and avoid manicures, but shame never stopped the habit. A therapist diagnosed body-focused repetitive behavior and helped me track triggers instead of simply telling myself to stop. I began wearing textured rings, keeping bandages nearby, and using competing movements when the urge rose. My partner stopped slapping my hand away and learned to ask whether I wanted help noticing. Today, all ten fingers are healed for the first time I can remember. The skin is uneven and marked, but there is no blood. I painted my nails a dark green and spent the day looking at them. Breaking the habit has not removed every urge. It has given the urge somewhere to pass without using my own body as the place where tension must leave a wound.