I Listen to My Body Like It’s a Threat

Dear Delyara, Every ache gets interrogated. Every wave of fatigue gets measured against three other things I read online and one thing that happened to my friend’s cousin and two test results from last year I still think about too much. I do not get to feel anything plainly anymore. I scan. That’s what I do. And scanning is exhausting. It steals the ease from ordinary afternoons. It steals the innocence from “probably fine.” It makes a body feel like a courtroom where I am always trying to gather enough evidence to either calm down or panic harder. I miss living in my body instead of auditing it.