I look most composed when I’m containing the most

Dear Delyara, That is one of the more unsettling truths about me. People often think I’m calm when I’m actually just controlled. The anger doesn’t disappear. It gets organized. Flattened into cleaner language, colder tone, more distance, a more measured face. It becomes socially acceptable enough to hide in plain sight. That kind of anger is difficult because it rarely gets seen clearly enough to be responded to. It just lives under the interaction and follows me home later. I think I am more angry than I look, more often than I admit.