I looked at my phone and felt immediate resistance

Dear Delyara, There are moments now where I look at my phone and my body reacts before my mind does. Resistance. Tightness. A low unwillingness. Not because I hate the people in it. Because I am tired of access. Access to me. Access to my attention. Access to my evening. Access to my emotional availability. Access to the part of my mind that still has to respond, even if politely and briefly. Tonight I left it face down for a while and let that count as care. It probably was.