I looked at the fruit bowl and realised nothing in it was chosen for me

Dear Delyara, Apples for one child. Bananas for the other. Grapes because they will actually get eaten. Oranges only if they’re on offer. Everything selected around budget, school, lunchboxes, preferences, waste, and what will save me one small argument later. I stood there and thought, none of this belongs to my own wanting. That is such a tiny observation. It still hurt. I don’t disappear from my life in dramatic ways. I disappear in bowls, lists, lunchboxes, and practical choices that quietly revolve around other people until my own preference no longer even enters the room first.