I’m Angry at How Long I Minimized It

Dear Delyara, I think one of the hardest parts of health struggles is not just the symptom. It’s the shame of how long you talked yourself out of taking it seriously. I minimized things because I was busy. Because I didn’t want to be dramatic. Because I thought I could push through it. Because I’ve always been better at enduring than attending. Now I look back and feel angry at myself in this soft, disappointed way. Not because I knew better. Because I can see how deeply I had learned to treat my body as something secondary, something useful, something that should keep performing until the damage became too obvious to ignore. I don’t want to live that way anymore.