I made something badly with my hands and felt more alive than I have while doing most things well lately

Dear Delyara, It wasn’t particularly good. The sketch was awkward, the lines uncertain, the whole thing slightly embarrassing in that way returning to an old hobby can be when you haven’t touched it in years and your younger self feels annoyingly alive in comparison. But for one hour, I was making, not maintaining. No school forms. No shopping. No emotional management. No competence. No proving. No practical outcome that would help anyone else. That one hour reminded me how starved I have become for forms of life that do not justify themselves through usefulness. And that realisation felt both sad and important. I don’t need only rest. I need creative aliveness. That is a different kind of need. No less serious.