I made the appointment before I could talk myself out of it

Dear Delyara, That’s the only reason it happened. If I had given myself one more day, I would have minimized. I know the pattern. I would have told myself to wait, to see, to calm down, to stop being dramatic, to be “smart” about it. Which usually means carrying the fear alone until it gets big enough to run the whole house from inside my chest. This time I interrupted the pattern fast. I called. I booked it. I didn’t let fear disguise itself as reason. That felt strong to me. Not because I was fearless. Because I moved while afraid.