I miss being known before I have to explain myself

Dear Delyara, I’m tired of beginning from zero with my own humanity. This is why I sound flat. This is the kind of tired I mean. This is why I can’t do a call. This is why I need softness and not solutions tonight. This is why “fine” doesn’t mean fine. I can explain all of that. I do explain all of that. But I miss the kind of closeness where I don’t always have to. The need to translate myself so completely so often is one of the loneliest parts of my life now. Not because people don’t care. Because they don’t know me closely enough to read me halfway before the speech begins.