I Miss Being Looked At Like a Woman and Not a Role

Dear Delyara, Somewhere between school schedules, dishwasher tablets, mortgage talk, and “Did you call the pediatrician?” I think I stopped being visibly female in my own marriage. Not to the world. To him. I became the person who knows where the extra batteries are. The one who remembers teacher gifts and flu shot appointments and what size shoes the kids wear. A source of continuity. A co-parent. A domestic executive. A calendar with a pulse. I know he loves me. I’m not questioning that. What I miss is being looked at with fresh attention. With desire, yes, but not only that. With curiosity. With surprise. With the sense that I am still a person unfolding, not simply a person maintaining. I don’t know how to say that without sounding ungrateful. So I am saying it here.