I miss being one person’s emotional first thought

Dear Delyara, The person someone wants to tell first, check with first, share with first, reach for first. There is something deeply regulating about being that for another person and knowing it without needing it constantly proven. I’ve had glimpses of it in life. I miss it more as I get older. Maybe that is why certain kinds of loneliness feel so specifically adult. They are not about crowds or empty flats. They are about the quiet ache of not being first in anyone’s emotional reflexes anymore.