I miss being someone’s first thought

Dear Delyara, Not the practical first thought. The emotional one. The person someone turns to first when something happens, good or bad. The first name in the mouth. The first reach. The first reflex. I think there is a kind of steadiness that comes from being that person in someone else’s life, and I miss it more than I usually let myself say. That kind of loneliness is hard to explain because it doesn’t come from being unwanted. It comes from no longer feeling central in that deeply human way. Useful, yes. Loved in general, maybe. But first in the heart? Less and less. That absence has weight.