I miss being understood before I give the long version

Dear Delyara, I’m tired of having to build the whole bridge from scratch every time. This is why I sound like this. This is what “tired” means today. This is why I’m quiet. This is why I don’t want to talk but also don’t want to be alone. This is why “I’m fine” doesn’t actually mean fine right now. I can do that translation. I’m good at it, in fact. That may be part of the problem. Because somewhere inside me is a longing I don’t know how to reduce: to be known enough that someone can meet me halfway emotionally without needing the full presentation each time. That kind of closeness feels very far away some weeks.