I miss the beginning, not the ending

Dear Delyara, I think I have finally understood what I miss. Not the friendship as it was by the end. The beginning. The version where the energy was balanced, the care felt mutual, the closeness felt easy rather than negotiated, and I had not yet started making excuses for things that should have troubled me earlier. That distinction matters. Because it means I’m not actually longing to return. I’m grieving what once felt real before I understood that it had changed shape. There is sadness in that. But also clarity.