I miss the silence it created

Dear Delyara, When I’m honest, what I miss is not the thing itself. It’s the silence. That small interruption between me and my own mind. The pause in self-awareness. The temporary absence of whatever I was trying not to feel fully. I know what it cost. I know what it damaged. I know what it turned me into at times. Still, I would be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes miss the silence it gave me before the rest of the damage arrived.