I miss the version of me who felt easy there

Dear Delyara, That is what hurts most when a friendship changes. Not only missing the person. Missing who I was while speaking to them. The unedited version. The warmer version. The one who did not weigh every message, monitor her emotional size, or quietly brace before replying. Once that ease goes, something precious is already over even if the friendship technically continues. I think that’s why some friendships are so hard to grieve properly. Nothing visible explodes. You just slowly lose the place where your nervous system used to rest. And you carry on talking as if that isn’t a major loss. It is.