I Miss Wanting Things Cleanly

Dear Delyara, I don’t know what happened to my ambition. It used to feel cleaner. Stronger. More natural. I used to want things and move toward them with less emotional negotiation. Now even my desire feels tired. It’s not that I want nothing. It’s that wanting comes mixed with exhaustion now. Mixed with doubt, practicality, fear, and too much awareness of how difficult everything can become. I miss wanting things without also immediately calculating the cost.