I miss wanting things without fear attached

Dear Delyara, I was thinking today about how desire has changed for me. I still want things. A better life. More peace. More love. More clarity. More room. But now wanting often arrives with a second feeling immediately attached to it — fear, doubt, embarrassment, practicality, self-protection. I miss the cleaner version of wanting. The one that wasn’t immediately interrupted by all the reasons it might not happen, or all the ways hope might make me look foolish if life doesn’t cooperate. Maybe this is part of getting older. Or maybe it’s what too much disappointment does to longing. Either way, I noticed it sharply today.