I miss who I was before I became careful

Dear Delyara, I saw an old photo today and felt something tight in my chest. Not because I looked younger. Because I looked more open. Less careful around the eyes. Less defended. More available to life, somehow. I know growing older means learning. I know some caution is wisdom. But I still miss that version of me who didn’t expect disappointment before it arrived. I don’t want to go backward. I just want some softness back.