I miss who I was before the friendship became careful

Dear Delyara, I miss the version of me that did not monitor her tone, count the emotional cost of replying, or reduce her own warmth before pressing send. I miss the ease. The feeling that I could lean in naturally instead of first checking whether leaning in was still welcome. Friendship changes can be so quiet. No explosion. No scene. Just the body learning, one interaction at a time, that it is no longer fully safe to arrive unedited. That kind of grief is difficult because everything still looks intact from outside for a long time. Inside, it already isn’t.