I missed a version of me that was less careful

Dear Delyara, I thought about this today while walking somewhere ordinary. I miss the version of me who didn’t monitor everything so closely. The version who didn’t need to assess tone, anticipate disappointment, prepare for misunderstanding, or soften herself before speaking. I know some of that caution came from life teaching me things I needed to learn. But still, I miss the emotional looseness of who I was before I became this careful. I don’t think I want to go backward. I just want some of the openness back.