I missed being more spontaneous

Dear Delyara, I noticed today how much planning and emotional forecasting has entered the way I live. I don’t move lightly the way I used to. Before plans, I think. Before replying, I think. Before wanting, I think. Before saying yes, I think. Before saying no, I think even more. Sometimes I miss the older version of me who did not have such a crowded gatekeeper living in her head. Not because she was wiser — maybe she wasn’t. But because she felt freer. Today I really missed that freedom.