I nearly called someone I shouldn’t

Dear Delyara, I almost called someone tonight just because I didn’t want to be alone with myself. Not because I miss them in a healthy way. Not because I think they’re good for me. Just because loneliness can make bad ideas sound warm for a little while. I didn’t call. I put the phone down and made tea and let the ache exist without giving it a name noble enough to justify acting on it. I think that’s what people don’t understand about emotional growth. It rarely feels graceful while it’s happening. Sometimes it just feels like not doing the familiar destructive thing, even though every part of you wants the relief of it.