I nearly filled the room with noise instead of feeling what was there

Dear Delyara, That reflex is so quick in me sometimes. The moment the room gets quiet enough for the real feeling to appear, I want to put something in between me and it. Music, video, scrolling, background anything. Not because I always want distraction for pleasure. Sometimes I want it because I am afraid of clarity. Tonight I noticed that happening. And waited a little longer before reaching for noise. What surfaced was not catastrophic. Just tender. And tired. And more human than I wanted to admit. That was manageable. More manageable than avoidance, actually.