I nearly reached for my phone instead of the feeling

Dear Delyara, I felt something difficult rising tonight and my first instinct was not to name it. It was to interrupt it. Phone. Scrolling. Noise. Any small doorway out. I didn’t completely disappear into distraction, but I felt how automatic the urge still is — the desire to soften contact with myself before the feeling becomes too clear to ignore. I think that’s what certain habits are really about sometimes. Not pleasure. Interruption. Tonight I stayed with the feeling longer than usual. That was uncomfortable. And probably better for me.