I nearly reached for the old comfort

Dear Delyara, Tonight I almost slipped into an old habit just because I didn’t want to feel the exact emotional shape of the evening. That’s what makes certain habits so dangerous. They don’t always arrive looking destructive. Sometimes they arrive looking comforting, practical, familiar, even deserved. Especially when you’re tired. Especially when you’ve had to hold yourself together too neatly all day. I didn’t go there. But I felt the pull clearly enough to be unsettled by it. I’m trying to respect that moment more honestly now — not just the act I avoided, but the fact that I still wanted to disappear a little. That tells me something about how full I’ve been lately.