I no longer know what I can count on in my own life

Dear Delyara, My body feels less predictable than it used to. My marriage feels less predictable than it used to. My income feels less predictable. My children’s moods, the world, the future, even my own mind some weeks — all of it feels less settled than I know how to live with comfortably. I think uncertainty is easier when you’re younger because it wears the costume of possibility. Now it mostly wears the face of risk. It says, you may not have the energy, the money, the time, the emotional margin to recover well if the wrong thing tips. I’m tired of living so close to not knowing. Of not knowing if the symptom is serious. If the relationship is thinning for real. If the job is sustainable. If the savings will stretch. If my own resilience is increasing or just getting quieter. I miss solid ground. I’m not sure where to find it anymore.