I noticed how much I soften myself in conversation

Dear Delyara, I heard it in my own voice today. That careful tone. The one that arrives when I’m trying to say something true without sounding too strong, too sharp, too emotional, too disappointed, too much. It is such a practiced sound in me now that I don’t always notice it until after. I wonder who I would be if I had learned earlier that honesty did not always need cushioning in order to remain lovable. I’m tired of editing myself before the sentence is even finished. It feels like self-erasure in elegant clothing. Today I noticed it sooner than usual. That matters, even if it didn’t fully stop it.