I panic before I even open the app

Dear Delyara, Sometimes I don’t need to see the bank balance for my body to react. Just knowing I need to check it is enough to change my breathing. It’s like some old part of me expects bad news every time money gets looked at directly. One low balance, one badly timed payment, one school cost, one repair, and suddenly my whole sense of safety starts shaking. I wish money stayed practical in me. It doesn’t. It becomes atmosphere too quickly. It gets into how I speak, how I plan, how I sleep, how I enjoy things, how I see myself. That’s what exhausts me. Not just the numbers. The speed of the fear.