I pretend I can afford my friends

Dear Delyara, My friends earn far more than I do. We are all in our forties now, and the difference has become impossible to hide. They choose restaurants where one dinner is half my grocery budget. Weekend trips are suggested casually. Birthdays involve expensive gifts. I keep saying yes because I am afraid money will slowly remove me from the group before anyone openly excludes me. I have credit-card debt partly from pretending I belong at the same table. Last month, I spent $190 at a dinner and ate cereal for several nights afterward. Nobody knows. One friend complained that I always order the cheapest wine. Another joked that I am “financially disciplined.” I laughed. I am financially terrified. Yesterday, they created a group chat for a trip to Mexico. Everyone immediately said yes. I typed “I’m in!” before even checking the price. Then I spent two hours calculating whether I could put it on credit and pay later. Friendship should not feel like admission charged in installments, but I am too ashamed to say, “I love you, and I cannot afford the version of friendship we are living.”