I put the phone face down and still felt hunted by it

Dear Delyara, Even when the screen is dark, even when the phone is across the room, some part of me is still aware that work can arrive, school can arrive, family can arrive, money can arrive, unknown numbers can arrive, somebody can need something from me through that rectangle at any second. That background expectation is exhausting. Yesterday evening I finally put it face down and left it on the counter while I made tea, and instead of immediate relief I felt this strange phantom vigilance, like my body didn’t believe it had really been allowed to step out of reach. That made me sad in a way I didn’t expect. I think I miss the version of life where not answering immediately did not feel like a moral risk.