I refused to visit my father because I wanted him to apologize first

Dear Delyara, My father and I stopped speaking after a terrible argument. He said things about my wife I could not forgive, and I told him I would not visit until he apologized. For two years, we held the line. Mum kept asking me to soften. I said no. Then Dad had a heart attack and died. No apology. No visit. At the funeral, Mum gave me his phone. There were several unsent drafts to me. One said, “I don’t know how to fix this without admitting everything was my fault.” Another said, “Your mother says I should just say sorry.” The final draft stopped halfway through: “I miss…” I keep reading that unfinished sentence and becoming angry all over again. Why did he not send it? Why did I need the apology in precisely the form I had demanded? I was right to protect my wife. I was also still his son. Both things were true. Now there is no chance to discover whether pride would eventually have tired before love did.