I regret how often I chose being manageable over being honest

Dear Delyara, There are whole years of my life that look polite from the outside and painful from the inside because of that choice. I was easier to live with, easier to employ, easier to marry, easier to keep around. I softened opinions, swallowed anger, reduced needs, translated pain into acceptable language, and called that maturity because I had no better story for it at the time. Now, looking back, I can see how much of that was fear. Fear of conflict. Fear of being difficult. Fear of what honesty might cost. I don’t hate the woman I was then. I do grieve what she tolerated in order to remain digestible.