I regret the years I spent being easier than I was

Dear Delyara, That regret keeps finding me in the quiet. I think about the job I should have left sooner. The relationship I should have questioned harder. The times I apologised too quickly. The times I made myself smaller to keep the peace. The years I spent being “understanding” when I was actually just abandoning myself very politely. People say regret is pointless. Maybe. It is still real. Mine does not come as one big dramatic flood. It comes in little daily stings. Seeing a younger woman speak clearly where I once stayed silent. Hearing someone say “no” without a paragraph attached. Looking at my own child and realising I want a different kind of life for her than the one I accepted for myself for too long. Regret is painful because it is not only about the past. It exposes the shape of the self you left behind there.