I retired and discovered work had been my whole personality

Dear Delyara, I retired from engineering six months ago after forty-three years. Everyone told me I would finally have time for myself. The problem is that I do not know who that self is. At work, people needed my judgement. My calendar had structure. Problems arrived with drawings, measurements, and solutions. Now mornings open in front of me without instructions. My wife has her own routines and friends. My children are busy. I joined a cycling club, took a cooking course, and began repairing an old boat, but each activity feels like something I am performing to prove retirement is enjoyable. Last week, a former colleague called for advice about a project. For twenty minutes, I felt fully awake. After we hung up, the house seemed quieter than before. I thought I had built a career. I am beginning to suspect I built a shelter from the question of who I was without one. The answer has not appeared simply because the office key was returned.