I RETURNED TO PRAYER WITHOUT RETURNING TO FEAR

Dear Delyara, I stopped praying after my church told me that being gay meant I was living against God. For ten years, faith felt like a room where I had once been loved and then locked out. Last year, a coworker invited me to an affirming congregation. I sat in the back row near the exit for three months. I never sang. I left before anyone could speak to me. The pastor never pressured me. One Sunday, she said, “You do not have to hate yourself to be holy.” I cried so hard I had to leave. I began meeting with her. I read scripture again without the commentary that had wounded me. I joined a small group where my partner was welcomed by name. This morning, I prayed alone for the first time in a decade. Not to become different. Not to apologize for existing. Not because I was afraid. I prayed because I felt loved. Peace did not feel like returning to the old room. It felt like learning that God had never been the one who locked the door.