I RODE THE TRAIN FOUR STOPS

Dear Delyara, Two years ago, I had a panic attack underground and stopped taking the subway. My world became smaller one block at a time. I changed jobs to avoid commuting. I declined invitations. I paid for expensive rides I could not afford. Then I began exposure therapy. First, I stood outside the station. Then on the stairs. Then on the platform for one minute. My therapist rode one stop with me. Later, I rode one stop alone and called her afterward from the sidewalk, crying. Today, I rode four stops. At the third stop, the train paused in the tunnel. My heart began racing. I pressed both feet into the floor, named five things I could see, and let the fear rise without running. The doors opened. I stayed on. When I reached my destination, I bought a coffee and sat on a bench above ground. People rushed around me as though nothing important had happened. They were wrong. My world had just become four stops larger.