I sat at the edge of the bath before running the water

Dear Delyara, I had come upstairs to shower because I knew I would feel better afterward. Cleaner. Looser. Slightly more returned to my own body. And still I sat there fully dressed on the edge of the bath for a minute or two because even self-care can feel like a task when too much of the day has already passed through you. I think people imagine exhaustion as dramatic collapse. A lot of the time it’s this instead. A woman staring at running water she hasn’t even turned on yet because starting one more thing, even a kind thing, still requires energy she hasn’t got much of left. Eventually I stood up. Eventually I showered. But that pause told the truth first.