I saved for adoption and now my husband is no longer sure

Dear Delyara, My husband and I spent four years preparing to adopt. Home study, training, savings, background checks, difficult conversations about trauma and race and what kind of family we could realistically support. We were finally approved. Two weeks ago, my husband told me he is no longer sure. He says the training made him understand how demanding adoption may be and he fears he said yes originally because he did not want to disappoint me after infertility treatment failed. I am grateful he told me before a child entered our home. I am also furious. I have organized years around a future he was privately questioning. The nursery is not decorated, because agencies warned us not to romanticize waiting, but there is a box in the closet with books we chose together. Yesterday, I found him holding one. He cried and said, “I want to want this the way you do.” I do not know what to do with that sentence. A child deserves two certain parents. I cannot manufacture certainty for him. I also cannot switch off the part of me that had finally allowed itself to believe someone might call us Mum and Dad.