I shop online after everyone is asleep

Dear Delyara, My addiction arrives in cardboard boxes. I buy clothes I do not wear, kitchen machines I do not use, skincare products I hide behind towels, and toys my children did not ask for. The moment I click “place order,” I feel relief. For a few minutes, the future contains something good that is already on its way to me. Then the confirmation email arrives, and the relief turns into shame. I intercept deliveries before my husband sees them. I remove labels, throw packaging into public bins, and return items under different accounts so the refund will not be obvious. Last month, I used the credit card we keep for emergencies to buy a designer handbag. It is still hidden inside the spare tire compartment of my car. My husband thinks our card was compromised. He canceled it and apologized for not protecting our finances better. I let him. Tonight, I filled another shopping cart and stared at the total for forty minutes. I have not checked out yet. I also have not closed the page.