I Spoke Before I Felt Ready

Dear Delyara, There was a pause in the meeting. The kind where somebody needs to say the thing and everybody is pretending not to notice that it needs saying. Usually I wait. Usually I tell myself I’ll say it later in an email where I can soften it, structure it, make it impossible for anyone to hear my voice shake. This time I didn’t. I spoke in the room. My heart was pounding. I could feel heat in my face. And underneath all of that, there was still the old fear: don’t sound too forceful, don’t sound too sure, don’t make yourself easy to dislike. I spoke anyway. I have no idea what anyone else thought of it. That’s not the part I’m holding onto. What I’m holding onto is this: I did not wait for emotional safety before being visible. For me, that’s huge.