I stare at the call bell and wait before answering

Dear Delyara, I am a nurse in long-term care. We are chronically understaffed. Lately, when a call bell lights up, I sometimes stare at it for five or ten seconds before moving. That delay frightens me. I used to respond almost automatically. Now my first thought is, Please, let it be something small. Water. Television remote. Blanket. Not another fall, toileting accident, frightened family, medication question. Last night, room 214 rang five times in twenty minutes. The resident has dementia and keeps forgetting she already asked for help. On the sixth ring, I felt anger toward her. A ninety-year-old woman who cannot remember the previous ten minutes. I entered smiling. She asked whether her mother was coming to collect her. I said we could sit together for a moment. She held my hand. I wanted to cry because she deserved someone whose compassion did not have to fight through exhaustion before reaching her. Burnout has not made me stop caring. It has made care arrive late inside me, and I am terrified one day my body will be slower than somebody’s need.