I stay calm because I don’t trust what would happen if I didn’t

Dear Delyara, People compliment me on how calm I am in conflict. They have no idea. What looks like calm is often fear. Fear of what visible anger might cost. Fear of sounding unreasonable. Fear of becoming the problem instead of the person trying to name one. Fear of my own intensity once it actually gets air. So yes, I stay calm. But not always because I’m regulated. Sometimes because I am tightly contained. Those are not the same thing.