I stayed in the car after work again

Dear Delyara, I parked outside the house and stayed in the car longer than I needed to. It’s becoming a habit, which probably means it’s telling the truth about something. I think I need that small in-between space — not work, not home, not performing, not fully alone with myself yet. Just a few minutes where no one is asking anything from me and I don’t have to become the next version of myself immediately. Tonight the street was quiet. A few windows lit. Someone across the road closed their curtains. Life going on, ordinary and separate. I sat there with the engine off and my hands in my lap and felt that strange tired sadness that doesn’t belong to one event, only to accumulation. Eventually I went inside. But for a while, the car felt kinder than the evening waiting for me.