I stayed long after the friendship had stopped feeling like a place to rest

Dear Delyara, I think that’s because I kept confusing history with safety. Just because someone has known you a long time does not mean they are still meeting you in a way that allows your nervous system to rest. I know that now. I did not know it early enough. I kept defending the friendship using old tenderness while present loneliness got louder and louder. That is the part I still grieve — not only the loss, but the delay in my own clarity. I wish I had trusted my exhaustion sooner.