I still assume I will be blamed before I assume I will be understood

Dear Delyara, That reflex is so fast I sometimes mistake it for intelligence. A changed tone, a serious email, a slower reply, and before I have even gathered enough information, my system is already moving toward explanation. Softening. Defensive clarity. Pre-emptive apology. It’s as if some old part of me still believes misunderstanding is the default outcome and I must outrun it before it reaches the room. That’s no way to move through adult life. Still, it is exactly how I move through too much of mine. I’m tired of fear getting the first turn in me this often. It steals too much from ordinary days.